i'm sorrdy bi'm drunnk

by Chris Tavener

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All music and lyrics by Chris Tavener

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released May 20, 2016

All music and lyrics
Recorded by Sugarhouse at Catalyst Studios.

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Chris Tavener Northwich, UK

Chris Tavener is a satirical singer-songwriter, known for his comedic, witty lyrics and a vintage sound.

Having completed 351 performances in 2016, Chris is one of the most hard-working musicians in the UK. His latest EP received acclaim from Steve Lamacq of BBC 6 Music who has played the tracks four times on national radio. The success of the EP led to two nationwide tours, totalling 12 weeks.
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Track Name: Super Cool Sadie
Sadie’s so drop dead fine
She’s an angel born on Earth
She'd turn Prince Charming's head
But I’d say I saw her first
She’s got feral flare and a sultry stare
That’ll melt your heart like ice
Always gets her way
Playing life with loaded dice

When I look at her I know
Not a single girl comes close

Oh when she drives so fast in her dad's old car
She can give you a smile that can change who you are
She looks so cool with her big shades on
With her tiger tattoo and her shirt undone
You would think that a girl like that
Wouldn’t hang out with me
…cause she doesn’t

Sadie plays hard to get
Unaware that I exist
We met when we were kids
And we've barely spoken since
When you come on strong, it could all go wrong
So I’ll play my waiting game
She’s my cutie pie
I’m her thingy, what’s his name?

Somehow my love’s dismissed
And I blame the guy she’s with

Oh and she drives so fast in her dad's old car
She can give you a smile that can change who you are
She looks so cool with her big shades on
With her tiger tattoo and her shirt undone
You would think that a girl like that
Wouldn’t hang out with me
…cause she doesn’t

But I’m with her in my dreams
Oh I’m with her in my dreams
My filthy dreams
My really messed up dreams
Track Name: Modern Romance (She's So Drunk)
I met her in a club in town
The feeling was instant, the world felt so distant
Even though we were squashed in the crowd
Things happened very rapidly
Her head hit my shoulder and I pushed her over
But she got both her arms around me

I messed her hair and she detangled mine
We kissed and she bit on my tongue
Now she’s reaching down to
The zip on my trousers
Oh I can just feel this is love

She’s so drunk now
I’m so drunk now
But she’s violently keen to have me
She’s so drunk now
I’m so drunk now
We’re in love and we’re both delving in
This modern romance

I reckon we were made to be
It couldn’t be random, we dry-humped in tandem
And we both smelled of beer, sweat and weed
She stood up like a duck on ice
She mumbled some nonsense
To do with her conscience
As she took me away from the lights

She took my fingers and licked every one
Then nestled my hand in her pants
Now we’re in the toilets
I already know that
We’ll each get a taste of romance

She’s so drunk now
I’m so drunk now
But she’s violently keen to have me
She’s so drunk now
I’m so drunk now
We’re in love now we’re both delving in
I'm feeling sick
She’s so drunk now
I’m so drunk now
But she’s violently keen to have me
She’s so drunk now
I’m so drunk now
We’re in love now we’re both delving in
This modern romance
Track Name: Apocalypse Prediction
I’ve had a premonition
A sneaking superstition
That the world is going to end today
And now I’ve had the vision
I’m on a major mission
Letting every single person know
You better tell your friends, you better tell your wife
Dump everything you own, don’t be thinking twice
Go hiding underground because the end is nigh in 1999

So I might have been mistaken
That misinterpretation
Had the figures but they weren't in line
But you can put your faith in
My new recalculation
Cause I’m sure I’ve got it right this time
You better lose yourself, you better turn and run
And guard your food supply with a loaded gun
Then hope you make it through because the end is nigh
In the Winter of 2012

I wouldn’t wait for the rapture
For Jesus knocking on your door
He’s been gone 2,000 years
And he could be 2,000 more
What if the world has just ended
What if we couldn’t tell?
The Earth went out two hours ago
And now we’re all living in Hell

Apocalypse depiction
Humanity’s addiction
Will be ever going on and on
And every new prediction
Could be a work of fiction
Yes but nobody can say who’s wrong
You better tell your friends, you better tell your wife
How much you think of them being in your life
Make every second count because for all you know
Your world could just end right now
Track Name: I'm Better Than You
Oh we left the ground
We were LA bound
On a plane that I’d just bought
And my entourage
Had a full massage
With a drink of every sort
And then you had to stare
At my collection of art
I had to bury it deep underground
Irretrievably far

Oh I’ve got a five bedroom house in Rome
That I’ve never seen
I’ve got a team of cleaners to
keep my Bugatti clean.
And boy, I’m better than you

Oh we sipped champagne
Through a diamond cane
In a club that I’d just bought
And we filled a tray
With the best cocaine
So we wouldn’t come up short
And then she had to touch
My satin velvet tie
I had to take it to the best drycleaners
At least ten times

Oh I’ve got a room at the Ritz for when I feel
I could eat
I’ve got a penthouse suite with a view
From a thousand feet
And boy, I’m better than you

Now I don’t mean to brag
But I don’t care about the cost
We better keep this all offline
So my daddy won’t cut me off

Oh we hit the beach
In a hot tub each
On an island I’d just bought
And my servants served
All their best hors d'oeuvres
With the lobster that they’d caught
And then he had to ask
For some tomato sauce
I had to pay all my guest to row
Back out from the shore

Oh I’ve got a few bodyguards to keep
Back all common thugs
I’m a member of thirty elite
And exclusive clubs
And boy, I’m better than you
And boy, I’m better than you